Releasing souls for God
Coffee County, GA • Two rural men recently told sheriff’s deputies that they had planned to soon attack a science-research center in Alaska because peoples’ “souls” were trapped there and needed to “be released” for God.
Minneapolis, MN • Motorist Luke Campbell was arrested and charged with firing his gun at several passing cars, wounding one man a bus passenger, explaining to a bystander that shooting at other vehicles “relieves stress.”
Telling it like it is
Briton Mark Wright, 45, caught with illegal drugs taped to his penis following his arrest for burglary, told Newcastle Crown Court in September that he had “hidden” them there to keep them secret from his wife (perhaps identifying one place that she no longer visits)…
Born in The USA
Boca Raton, FL • Paula D’Amore claimed she deserved a discount from the $7,400 “delivery room” charge for the April birth of her daughter at Boca Raton (Florida) Regional Hospital because the baby was actually born in the backseat of her car in the hospital’s parking lot.
God will take care of this
Negaunee Township, MI • Jacob Roemer, 20, was arrested following an attempted home invasion - after the resident had confronted him, chasing Roemer into the woods, where a State Police dog eventually found him lying on the ground unconscious and bloody after running into a tree and knocking himself out.
Morons on parade
Titusville, FL • A woman recently produced major havoc at the Shuttle Car Wash when, while cleaning her car, she attempted to vacuum gas out of her trunk, causing the vacuum to explode.
Welcoming a pipeline
Bruges, Belgium • In September, the world’s first (legal) beer pipeline - funded by private citizens offered “free beer for life” for their donations - opened, pumping 12,000 bottles’ worth per hour from the Halve Maan brewery to its bottling plant two miles away (and thus sparing visitors to the historic city the sight of tanker trucks cluttering the cobblestone streets).
Nature fights back
Maury Mountains, OR • In November, in a remote area of Oregon’s Maury Mountains, a 69-year-old man killed an elk and dragged the carcass behind his off-road vehicle up a hill where the vehicle suddenly flipped over backward, and the man landed on, and was impaled by, the elk’s antlers.
Hot Springs, AR • Kristi Goss, 43, an assistant to a Garland County judge, was arrested in October and charged with stealing nearly $200,000 in public funds, which she used to buy such things as a tuxedo for her dog, sequined throw pillows, a “diamond bracelet” (retailing for $128) and, of course, Arkansas Razorback football tickets.
Turn me on
Boynton Beach, FL • Motorist Kurt Jenkins, 56, was arrested in November after a pedestrian said Jenkins, naked, motioned him to his car to take a look where Jenkins appeared to have wires running from his genitals to an unidentified “electrical device.”
Port Orange, FL • Anthony Coiro, 76, who faces 52 counts of possession of child pornography, he admitted that he had a stash of “crazy” pornography, some featuring children, however, he adamantly insisted, “I’m not a pedophile…I’m just a pervert,” adding, “a law-abiding pervert.”
Springwood, Australia • A 38-year-old woman was arrested when police stopped her car at 3 a.m. at an intersection - with a children’s swing set wedged onto the roof of her SUV.
Pour it out
Christchurch, New Zealand • In November a court in ordered the local police to “undo” the 493 bottles’ worth of liquor they had recently poured down the city’s drain after raiding an unlicensed bar because of environmental regulations.
Acrobatics in cars
St. Charles, IL • Richard Rusin, was recently charged with DUI after he drove off of a street, went airborne, hitting close to the top of one house, rebounding off of another, uprooting a tree (sending it onto a roof), and knocking out electricity to the neighborhood when the car clipped a utility pole guide wire - and his car landed upside down in a driveway.
Making a mark
Bray, England • Simon Berry, 24, was recently acknowledged by the Guinness Book people for his bungee drop of 246
feet to precision-dunk a biscuit into a cup of tea.
"Nightflying down Hamburger Alley..."